1 2 3 4 I DON'T WANT ANYMORE!

Tomorrow is the big day!

2010-01-18T21:16:00.000-08:00

I'm headed to the college tomorrow to talk to a counselor ACK! I guess I will update you all or I guess I should say if anyone reads this....LOL Tomorrow!

What an amazing morning :)

2010-01-17T12:07:00.000-08:00

7:10 the alarm goes off Ugh I didn't want to get up so I like usual hit the alarm and off goes the beeping in my ear. I say "OK if I wake up at 7:30 I will get up to go to church." I go back to sleep only to wake up to Katie coming in, and telling me "Mom it's 7:33." She walks away, and I lay my head back down, and yawn and think I'm so tired I don't want to get up. I lay there and try and fall back to sleep but something kept keeping me awake. So I finally gave in and got up, got the kids up, and was ready and quite awake by 8:30 to leave. Walk into church and I just get this overwhelming feeling of good, I love that. We do our singing, prayer and then the topic of the day "being courageous" Oh man I truly believe something made sure I got to church today I needed to be reminded to just have faith. Then as we get into the car on the radio is playing "I can only imagine" by Mercy Me. This song is the song I chose to put in my dear friend Amy's memorial video I made of her this past Summer after she died suddenly of cancer. She was the one who told me to go back to school, that had faith in me that I could do it. She even offered to help me with my writing papers. I know in my heart that it was a sign from her, it was just all too much of a coincidence day for it not to be from someone watching me. I now know I can do this, I will be scared, I will be uncertain but all I have to do is have Faith. I really just needed to be reminded to push through my fear and do what I know is right, to do what God truly wants for me. I am headed with butterflies in my stomach but knowledge of knowing it is right. I am headed to the school on Tues, and I am talking to a counselor and finding out what I need to do to start school in Sept. I'm scared , I mean very very scared but I just need to be reminded that God is with me, and that with him I can do anything.

Really want a change!

2010-01-16T15:08:00.000-08:00

I am thinking crazy I mean something that looks cute but that no one would ever expect of me not even me maybe! I'd love to change my hair, my clothes the way I wear my makeup ALL OF IT!!! I want to look in the mirror and not recognize what is looking back at me. I have always wanted to do this. I have always been worried about what others might think, would people still like me. I am not talking just every day changes like maybe my hair blue, or platinum with bright pink highlights! I want to wear tons of makeup, and crazy out there clothes. Yeah I am sure I wouldn't do it but i sure would love it. I want to cut my hair shorter too , maybe I was just meant to be born in a crazy cartoon. :)

Not sure what to say...

2010-01-15T19:55:00.000-08:00

There hasn't been too much excitement in my life lately so not sure what to put. Jake turned 6 last Sat. he was and is so excited to be 6. How fast the kids grow up. I wish I could pause time and experience the kids more. I feel like I waste so much time with every day stuff, and never get to just be with the kids. We all seem to just get sucked into our own little worlds, and forget what is really important. I am embarrassed to admit that I more then probably anyone let other things be more important to me then family sometimes. My headaches, back aches sicknesses stop me from being with my kids. They stop me from being the mom and wife even just the person that I want to be. I look at other people and see what amazing parents they are and then i see myself, and think maybe being a SAHM was not really what I was meant to be. I know I have done my best, I guess I am just disappointed in what my best has been.
I am so grateful for all that God has given me, and I wish I knew how to show him my appreciation. Some may even say that it is so simple that I have to have faith, that I have to go to church, that I need to believe I am meant to be something greater. It's hard for me to believe that. To believe I was given these beautiful children for a reason. I worry about what they will become because of me. Will I be good enough for them? Will I be ruining them for their future? Is what I say going to make them believe in themselves or doubt themselves? How can i who doesn't even know she is, or believe in herself teach 4 children to do the opposite? I guess all I can do is learn from them, and hope that I am able to in turn teach them what I learn as well. Prayer, and the love of God will get me through this time I know I have to have faith. I have to have faith, I have to have faith!

NEW YEAR NEW POST....LOL

2010-01-05T12:34:00.001-08:00

Life has gotten away from me for a bit, and I guess I stopped working on myself. That is the sucky part the good part is I have a new year to become the person I wanted to be last year...LOL
I am unhappy once again with things in my life, and the really hard part is I don't have the motivation to change the things I know and want to change. From the outside looking in people probably think "wow, she has it pretty good." Yes, I do those things you see the 4 amazing kids, the awesome husband who loves me more then I could ever have hoped or dreamed for. The ability to stay home with my kids, and my husband allowing me to do whatever I dang please with out even a question about it. I have an amazingly helpful mother who loves my kids to pieces and would move the moon and the stars for them if she could. So yes, my life is amazing but.... Yes, there always seems to be a but. I am not happy not with my life necessarily it is all that I had hoped for maybe a few things missing but, I still have a long life ahead of me I hope. I am not happy with ME! I have let myself slip by the wayside and I have no idea how to find myself. I thought joining my local moms group years ago was the answer and it was for the time being. I was able to get out of the house, find friends and amazing friends at that. I just know there are parts of me that I used to love that are missing. The Moriah that used to do things on a whim. The Moriah who loved affection more then anything. The Moriah who well to put it bluntly was smart,put together, attractive and well damn it an awesome package that any guy was lucky to get...LOL.
When I go into Jake's class or even in the girls I feel like I have a purpose that I am appreciated needed, something more I feel a bit of the old Moriah in me. So I have decided that I will be attending school next year to start heading towards getting a degree to be a kindergarten teacher. This excites me, frightens me, makes me second guess myself a million times, and just I honestly don't know if I can do it. I guess this is where I will find the real strength within myself, or I will really learn my limitations. I guess I will never know until I really try. My fear is that I don't stick with things, I mean being married and having kids has been the longest I have stuck to anything. Well, and it is not like you can send the kids back or just leave when things get tough. So I have been living my life by fear, fear of not succeeding, fear of failing, fear of maybe even actually having the life I think I want. What if in the end I just realize that all the excuses I have been making up are just that excuses. That I have been wasting more then half a decade on being afraid of change, trying new things, of living. What if people don't like the real me, what if , what if, what if?

My THANKFUL THURSDAY!!

2009-04-09T09:01:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to write down some things I am just so thankful right now in my life. It helps me to remember it could always be worse then it is.

1. I am so thankful that through these really tough times the past few months I have let God back into my life.

2. I am thankful for my great and loving family, who has grown leaps and bounds through the tough times. Praying together at dinner, talking more, letting them see the love that is truly there for us all.

3. I am thankful for a husband who loves me no matter what and will stick by me through thick and thin.

4. I am thankful for the angels that have watched over us, and had made it so that I have not lost my home, or had utilities shut off for long.

5. I am thankful that I have released some poisonous relationships and feel better knowing that their drama, and their lies, and their deceit and ugliness is no longer my problem.

6. I am thankful for finding a doctor that has been helping Jacob with his allergies/asthma, and horrible eczema. HE is smart and knowledgeable and we found him at the right time and the right moment it was meant to be.

7. I am thankful for my mother who even though she is going through a rough patch has been there to support me. Not financially but spiritually, and through her love for me and my family.

8. I am thankful for all the wonderful friends I have who have been a great support through all the bad times lately. That have been my rock when I felt I was going to crumble. Especially my bestest Veny with out whom I don't know if I could have as much clarity and love for others with out.

9. I am thankful for all the new friends I have met over the months and the close bonds that I know I will keep for many moons to come.

Thanks for reading these, I could probably go on and on but....I should leave some for next weeks. :)

Wow, it really has been forever!

2009-04-09T08:53:00.000-07:00

Life sure has been a roller coaster lately. Jeff my dh and I are fabulous a huge shift has happened between us, and we both couldn't be any happier with our relationship. Well, little things but nothing major like before. After writing the last post I really wanted some time to think about the woman and wife I was being. Like my father in law said "I am not a bitch." I am not, I was a woman who was very insecure, and didn't feel like she had trust in her marriage. Now, that I trust Jeff 100% my wall is down, my insecurities I think will always be in the back of my mind but, they are mine nothing that Jeff has ever done has given me any right to think or not trust him with my heart. I have been really good, opening up to his friends becoming friends with them. Not getting upset when he wants to go out and hang with some friend. Like tonight he is going out with a friend to the brewery something he did as well last week, and I am completely fine with it. No jealousy or anger or resentment. I know that he needs those friendships as much as I need my dear friends. Thanks for all the honest responses, sometimes it is easier to hear that I am overreacting or that I am not alone in the way I feel sometimes. Man I have missed blogging. I need to get back into it, it makes me feel so much better.

I want to change but how???

2009-01-27T23:56:00.000-08:00

So I have this problem and honestly I don't know how to change. Maybe some of you if you read this can give me some insight. I am a bitch yes, you heard that right. I treat my husband really bad, and I don't want to. I treat him like a kid, and some may laugh and make the joke he is my 5Th child but...Well, I want a husband not a 5Th child. I have this horrible need to be right, at any cost. I mean I sometimes don't even really listen to what I say, I just need to be right even if I am wrong. If my dh doesn't agree with me, I make him out to be the bad guy, I don't really know why. He gives me so much room to do what i want and to be with my friends or my mom whenever I want to. If he wants to go somewhere or go out for some reason i give him the third degree like he has to have a really good reason to want to be away. I know see I am a bitch. I really hate this about myself. I used to be so sweet, and i don't say that to brag I just know I was. I felt so much love all the time, and happy most of the time. Now I just feel anger and hurt if he doesn't want to spend all his extra time with me. My SIL gave me some great advice and yet I am not sure I can look at it the way she does. She says ask yourself do you wanna be happy or do you wanna be right? Do I wanna be right to the point of chancing losing my love?

I love my husband and honestly losing him would kill me. I just for myself want to change. I am not happy being this mean person. At the same time how do I fight the urge to be right? Really how do I fight it? I am stubborn no doubt but why oh why do I have this burning need to be right, or win the fight every time? I'm sure that makes me sound crazy but, it is the controller in me I want to let go of I TRULY DO!

Girls Night Out!

2009-01-25T14:09:00.000-08:00

Oh it was so much fun one of my close friends had a Pure Romance Party last night and wow, we had a blast. We drank Martini's and CareJewels (a drink my friends made up) I had so much fun. It was so great to be out, and hang with friends that I have not been with in forever and just feel like me. I was not a mom even if we did mention our kids a few times, I was not a wife well yes, I was since I was buying things to spice up our love life. I was just "Moriah" , it felt good I had women who I had just met tell me how nice I was and how I was so fun to hang with. That made me so happy. I love my girlfriends and sometimes life just gets away and I don't get out as much as I should. I am so very lucky to have an amazing group of women in my life, and that I know are truly my friends and will be for many years to come. I am lucky to have a husband who sees what an important role my friends play in my life, and he gives me so many opportunities to be with them and for that I am such a truly blessed gal. I have some pics that I will be posting up this week from the party, I just want to get some permission from the ladies first. Have a great Sunday all you!
~Moriah~

Down 24.5 LBS!!!

2009-01-25T14:06:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am down 24.5 lbs. I am so beyond excited, this has been a hard 24 lbs. I am so proud of myself and of my determination. I usually go on diets and lose weight that is not a problem honestly it's sticking to something and well even with stopping and starting again about 3 times since Nov 1st. I now feel and know just because I don't do good every day or eat the right foods or work out, tomorrow is a new day. It's awesome I can really see myself doing this for the rest of my life YAY!!!

Why can't people just be happy with what they have?

2009-01-22T13:14:00.000-08:00

Why is it in our society these days is no one happy with what they have? I mean why was it years and years ago people were just happy with having food on the table, and a roof over their heads? Now we all want the best and newest techno thing out there. I mean my family is a great example for that. We can't afford it but my husband insists on us having the new game systems out there. I mean we have everyone out there. Like somehow the newer one is going to bring much more joy to our life's then the last. I do admit for a short time it does bring us joy, but that time is short lived. If we could afford it I know he would want a boat, and trips everywhere and anything else that money could buy like that can give us joy. I guess I kind of don't feel like I live in that same frame of mind. I am grateful that I have food on the table the kids are clothed, and they get to do extra activities. I would rather have family vacations, time spent wisely and with lots of love, and lots of joy then ITEMS!
My kids ask me a lot why we don't go places or do things like a lot of their friends. The kids go to a school that well lets just say it the families are all very well off. My response to them is we have a dad that works very hard for what we have and if we wanted he could be gone as much as most of their friends dads are and go places and have THINGS. I say "isn't it nicer to have a daddy who provides just enough for us, and can also be home when we need him?" I really try to instill in my kids to be successful in life does not mean that you have to make a ton of money. That you can work hard for your money but also have time to raise a family or be in a family.
Maybe this really doesn't make any sense but, I just get annoyed by the world deciding that you aren't successful if you can't afford all the things that people see as SUCCESS.

THANKFUL THRUSDAY

2009-01-22T12:47:00.000-08:00

My friend Toni @ A Daily Dose of Toni Started this last week and I like it it is talking about my annoyances but then turning it into a positive as well. So here goes.

1. I am annoyed that my husband won't listen to what I am really saying and gets all defensive and shuts off I am thankful however that I have a husband who tho he doesn't listen does love me.

2. I am annoyed that there are people out there who don't have to work out or watch what they eat and lose weight. I am thankful that my body does allow me to be able to work out and that I am losing weight no matter how slow going it is.

3. I am annoyed that my kids make my house a mess no matter what I say to them. I am thankful that I was able to have my children and that they do give me great joy as well.

4. I am annoyed that Jeff hurt his shoulder and has been home for the last 2 months. I am thankful that he had the surgery and is getting better and with god's grace still has a job to go back to.

5. I am annoyed that when I give people an inch they take a mile. I guess all I can say to be thankful for is that I do have people in my life who don't do that.

6. I am annoyed that sometimes I am just not enough for some. I am thankful for those people that I am just enough.

7. I am annoyed that I let my life get so out of hand, and gain so much weight and lose who I was. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to change those things within my life and myself that I do not like.

Just a little Alex brag!

2009-01-22T12:35:00.000-08:00

I am proud to say Alex is in Math and Reading TAG programs. Now for those who don't know that is (Talented and Gifted). HE actually exceeds the other students in his reading program and his teacher has decided that he can make up his own group if he likes. Now I don't know where he gets it all. I was not a great student, not like I flunked out or anything but never above grade level in anything. It makes me so happy to know that school is not a struggle for him. I know God really did grant him with these gifts to make up for having to be away form school so much. I am so happy ot announce since Alex's last surgery with his cecostomy he is healthy growing and a thriving guy. I wish we had known about the cecostomy surgery many many years ago, but I guess living with the what if's is not going to help anyone. So I am just grateful we did find the solution to his problems and I am so lucky to have such a smart and thriving 11 yr old.

ABOUT TO CRY!!!!

2009-01-20T16:39:00.000-08:00

I went shoe shopping today I need something I can wear just everyday. I wear flip flops all the time, and I am not sure but my foot must be totally deformed or something. I tried on boots, flats, high heels knock around shoes none of them fit, and no I was not just one size. I could fit my foot in 7's and 8's what the heck!!! I must have tried on at least 70 pairs and went to 3 different stores. I even tried on ugly shoes that i wouldn't normally buy to see if they would fit NOPE! They were either to tight in front and no WIDES are too wide for me. they would fit perfect but would be too big in the back. They would hurt in the back or pinch my foot on the top. Ugh you name it, and that was wrong with them. I love shoes, and used to own like over 70 pairs. After having kids I got lazy or poor I guess, and decided flip flops were my shoe of choice unless there was snow on the ground. So has wearing flip flops for years screwed my feet up? Has losing weight made my feet get deformed? OK seriously trying to keep myself from swearing in the store or crying. I just want two pairs of shoes that i can wear a cute pair to go out with friends or a nice dinner or dancing, and ones I can just throw on and are super comfy. Really is that so much to ask???

PAY IT FORWARD FRIDAY!

2009-01-09T08:05:00.000-08:00

So I am very blessed with amazing friends and they unexpectedly do things for me all the time to just show me they care about me. One of my closest friends Liz has been a very supportive friend to me and cares about me and my family so very much. She has helped me get a membership at a local gym here in town. She paid for my enrollment since Jeff isn't working how awesome was that? Well, so I decided this year I am going to try and pay it forward weekly. I was cruising the local Craigslist and there was a woman who was asking for help with diapers for her kid. Now normally I think "ohh that is sad." and just move on but, this week I felt like you know there have been times in our past that we couldn't pay for diapers and I have been fortunate enough to have a mother who was able to take care of her grand kids and buy those type of things for us. I remember those days where you find you are on your last diaper and you have to drag the kid around in a droopy wet diaper to the store. Well, this girl didn't have that option. So I wrote her and told her I wanted to help out. She was so very appreciative, and said I was the only one who had written her, and she didn't know what she was going to do. So off I went to Walmart, we don't have much right now so I couldn't buy her a huge box from Costco but, I felt good being able to help this young mom out. When I arrived at her home she was probably not more then 18 the house reeked of smoke, and at that moment whether that girl could have or couldn't have afforded diapers I felt like what I did was right.

So on Friday's from now on I will be writing about something someone has done for me, and writing about something I did for someone. It won't always be a monetary thing, but I hope it gets all of you guys thinking about the great people in your life's and maybe how can you PAY IT FORWARD too.
Have a fabulous Friday everyone I love you all so much!

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY!

2009-01-08T13:08:00.000-08:00

Okay so this came up recently in my life, and I thought well I should adress this. How far do married men/women step over the boundaries with opposite sex friendships. Do you think it is ok to keep in touch through email, facebook, myspace with them? How much is too much or just enough? Is it ok for them to be close if they are long time friends and have never had a love/sexual relationship? Is it ok for them to send little joking flirty messages to each other if they have been in a close relationship together? Should they send letters, things in the mail to one another?
Here is how I feel on the subject. In my personal life I have been in love, I have thought I was going to marry that man. A while back probably more when Jeff and I were having problems I got back in contact with him. I thought maybe he really was the one that got away. Maybe Jeff and I weren't meant to be. I found him and we talked on the phone. I found out that he lived the life we had planned almost to a T but just with another woman. I felt jealous, I felt like what did I do? I should have never broken up with him, that would be me in the perfect marriage with the perfect guy. After talking to him on the phone, I found his wife on myspace and we actually became friends. I have met her in the past she was the girl he dated right after me. I wanted to dislike her so much but, I just couldn't. As her and I became friends and I told Jeff about them I felt wrong. I felt like me contacting him, me wanting to have some kind of friendship with him was wrong. Like was I giving my marriage all that I could if I was longing for a "perfect man?" A man who wasn't really even available. I had felt like even that small flitting moment of wanting another man was betraying my vows, betraying my marriage. My husband has had contact with a gal he thought he was going to marry, and that he loved, and in my opinion their interactions have been inapporpriate. Flirting and joking now for you to all understand when I say flirting in Jeff's way of joking with women is sometime his way of flirting. So when I have in the past read things he has written I have felt uncomfortable. I have many times asked him not to have contact or a relationship with this individual and he has stopped at times, but come back to her time and time again. I don't read his emails, and so I don't know what they say to one another now but that is one relationship I feel threatened by. I truly believe my husband would never cheat on me but, at the same time should he be giving his emotions to someone else? So I got into this discussion because I talked to a friend this week, and her actions with an ex made me question tthose questions what is too far? What is safe, and what kind of relationships should we just let stay in the past.
Here are some responses I got from friends, when I posted this on Facebook.

Moriah asks how do you feel about your spouse being close to an ex? first love, someone they planned a future with, a serious relationship?????

"oh.. heck no! lol a long time ago first grade crush- ok, a fiance? nope!"

What? Uh uh!! No way, no how!

That is absolutlly not Ok. I wouldn't stand for it! (my Jeff)

Not safe for a marriage. Actually Focus on the Family covered this today in their broadcast. They had the author of Generation Next Marriage on there. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/ if you want to listen to it. :)

I freak out (inside) if my husband even mentions a certain ex...But I'm really bad at leaving my past in the past, so I can't really complain (at least I try)

I don't see anything wrong with being friendly and on good terms with an ex !ut being extremely close (especially an ex fiancee) is a little odd. Why invest so much time on someone who was your past and not on the person who is your present and future...

I don't know, I don't think I'd get too worked up about it. I mean, my husband married ME, right? As long as he isn't hanging out with her every weekend it really wouldn't be an issue for me.

No way! Not "close". Dr. Phil says it is not okay.

I think it's disrespectful.

Let it go. You have Half a Brady Bunch! He/We are not smart enuff to draw a necessary line. All us a moment. And that's all. ( the only guy other then Jeff to respond)

How do you feel about this??? Post a comment and let me know I am very curious. If you find this blog interesting let your friends know I would love to hear their opinions on this as well.
Have a great Thursday
Moriah :0)

2009-01-07T23:06:00.000-08:00

100 Things I May Have Done or Not Have Done

About me. Just bold whatever you've done on your blog and let me know so I can see.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (in general)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check -- Ooops!
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby- yep 4
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY!

2009-01-07T11:21:00.001-08:00

So this year Jeff and I decided we need to make a schedule and activities board.
To the left is the Calendar each person has their own color. To the right is the kids chores list. Below that is something good about one person per week at least, then a concern about something in the house, and then a suggestion spot. Under that as you can see Jakwe has decided is his learning area where he is doing his letters and numbers.

Moriah's look back on 2008

2009-01-03T21:21:00.000-08:00

Well, my look back on 2008. The #1 thing that stood out to me was I found myself again. I found through therapy not a long time of it but, just enough that I had a lot of issues I needed to deal with. Jeff and I were seriously on the brink of divorce, and we were able to find that spark and love and a true understanding of one another. I thank God for us getting so close and so hurt, and so sad, and mad and everything else. Because with out it, I would have not found the love of my life back. I was able to be OK with leaving my kids on school nights, or on the weekend to have me time. I met amazing women online and in my real life moms group. I have been able to meet women I know I will be Friends with for the rest of my life. I guess that is more then 1...LOL

Well, let me post some pics to show you what else has been our highs and lows.

Kate was DOROTHY!!! Oh it was so cute, she really couldn't have been any sweeter. We were all so proud of her.

Kate played soccer for the first time and boy was she good at it!

I met one of the best women in the world MY ERAN!

Jeff threw me an amazing Surprise Birthday Party...with almost all my closest friends!

Alex played soccer, and was such a sport freezing his booty off in 30 and below degrees. He was awesome I was so proud.

Riley split her chin open..Not so fun. She was in running club turned the corner and smacked right into a metal stair rail.

Alex broke his finger picking up a rock bigger then his head. I told him not to but he didn't listen, fractured it in three places, and ripped the top skin right off.

Riley had pneumonia and in this pic a 103.6 fever I believe. We wondered for about 5-6 months what was wrong with her and finally they figured it out this day that she probably had walking pneumonia the whole time.

Jake went down the water slide for the first time all by himself. I was so proud!
Jake this year had a bad one as well with three bouts of pneumonia 2 that put him in the hospital and one we were able to treat at home. Also to add onto that he had bronchitis poor child we also found out he has asthma.

Well, I will end it with this year has had some major downs but also major ups and here we all are at Thanksgiving. I was so thankful I had all of my family with me. We were all healthy, happy, and I truly am one blessed lady!

THE TREE PICS!

2009-01-03T21:15:00.000-08:00

Jeff wrote into the news and we were in it today

2009-01-02T14:37:00.000-08:00

http://www.ktvz.com/Global/story.asp?S=9605325&nav=menu578_2

Keep scrolling down until you see a pic of the tree on the house, and Jeff Browning said...LOL

An eventful January 1, 2009

2009-01-01T20:27:00.000-08:00

It has been quite windy here today with wind gusts of up to 60 MPH. Well, Miss Kate decided it would be fun to go outside and play in it. Sure why not I thought, I hear her laughing and pounding out on the porch. I look out the window to check on her and she is falling over from the huge wind gusts. It was so cute I wish I had a picture of her laughing and playing so innocently in the wind. She was telling me over and over that the big Pine in our backyard was going to fall over. I was like "Kate no way, you are so silly that tree is huge it is swaying a lot but, it is not going to fall over on our house". Well, 20 minutes later we are sitting upstairs and we hear a huge crashing sound. Not sure what to expect when we look out the window but, to our huge surprise our Pine, that Kate was telling me that was going to fall over YES, it fell over. It split about 15ft up from the ground. It fell backwards through our fence across the path and over the neighbors and hit their roof, actually branches broke through the roof. A branch went through their master bedroom. Luckily there was no one at home and no one on the path and my dear daughter was not outside anymore. This 80+ ft tree could have really done some disastrous deathly damage. I even started crying thinking my little girl was outside playing in just those spots 20 minutes earlier. God was definitely watching over our family and our neighbors today. I will post pictures tomorrow or you can go to my facebook if you want I have the pics available to anyone and everyone not just friends. So I hope tomorrow and the rest of our 2009 is definitely less eventful then today. Happy New years to you all again!

Life has gotten away from me.

2009-01-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't been writing in a long time. With Jeff being out of comission I decided or chose to take over his "man" duties...LOL. Not the smartest. We got Alex a new bed for Christmas which he absolutely loved. Stupid me I took the bunk bed apart w/ Jeff's help and carried the metal thing down stairs. I shoveled snow and icy slushy snow. The next day unfortunately I could barely get out bed to go the bathroom. It was horrible not to have too much info here but I even held it in for 3 hrs just so I wouldn't have to get out of bed. I have been laying around the house mostly in bed for 5 days now, I am about to rip my hair out. So not a ton of exciting stuff for me to even write about here so I will leave you all with that.
Happy New Years everyone!

Feeling a little blue

2008-12-20T22:59:00.000-08:00

With life being so hectic lately and taking care of Jeff, I have neglected my friends. I miss them and it actually makes me almost cry. I was so close to so many people this Summer and it seems ever since school has started my friendships have been drifting away. I feel horrible, I love you all, and it makes me sad to think I am not as close as i was to some of you. I LOVE YOU ALL, and am so very very grateful for having such amazing and caring friends. Happy Holidays to you all!

Today was beautiful!

2008-12-18T19:17:00.000-08:00

So today I woke up and the snow was falling outside. It was just beautiful. I got the kids ready for school, and hopped on my wii fit, and did some yoga and strength training along with some step. After about a little over an hour of working out, I decided to get dressed and walk outside. It was cold but a nice peaceful walk. I truly live in an area of "Winter Wonderland" By the time I was done with my hike treading through over a foot of snow at least another 6 inches had fallen. I was covered in melting icy snow, and my hair was frozen over, I didn't care it was amazing. I love the time I have to spend alone working out, it gives me time to just walk or run, or whatever with just my thoughts. I don't have anyone asking for something or wanting me for anything. It is great to have me time. Women especially moms I don't think give themselves enough "me" time. I am very lucky to have a hubby who gives me all the time I need for myself, well of course within moderation. I have been working out for 54 days not in a row of course I had a couple weeks where I was ill and such. Anyway I am down 20 lbs now. It feels so good to be able to fit in clothes that were too tight, or I just couldn't get into. It feels good knowing that I have begun a life change and that my kids are eating healthier that my whole family is. I have such great friends and great family that support me through it all, and I want to say thanks and I love you all so much!

2008-12-18T19:04:00.000-08:00

Okay Toni tagged me and here is what I have to answer.

7 Random Things About Me :

1. I can fit my fist in my mouth..yep I am a freak.
2. I took Spanish for 4 yrs and well I can barely speak a word of it.
3. I hate being cold but my favorite thing is snow in the Winter...go figure.
4. I wish I lived by the ocean instead if in the mountains.
5. I don't have a favorite color I have many Orange/brown/pink/lime green and blue.
6. I have attended and been a member of many different religious churches in my 32 years.
7. My favorite thing to eat is chicken Caesar salad.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY -FIREHOUSE

2008-12-17T12:08:00.000-08:00

Cohen, Jake, Gracie

2008-12-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

Make a Smilebox greeting

Migraine Saturday!

2008-12-13T16:41:00.001-08:00

Disney Unltimotion Giveaway!

2008-12-12T09:03:00.000-08:00

My friend Toni @ A Daily Dose of Toni is giving this awesome gift away. For all of you with little princesses go over there and sign up for a chance to win!

Review and Giveaway: Ultimotion, Princess Fairies

2008-12-11T18:59:00.000-08:00

Thirteen things I want to eat right now but won't!

1. A juicy cheeseburger with mushrooms and bacon...Yeah that would not be good for me at all.
2. A big bowl of coffee lovers ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery..Oh yum my mouth is watering thinking about it.
3. Fried Zucchini, really do I need to say more?
4. Chocolate Chip cookies right out of the oven, oh heaven!
5. A bowl of Golden Grahams cereal. My fav as a kid.
6. Sweet and Sour Terriyaki Chicken sandwich from Subway with extra cheese...mmmm
7. Chicken sandwich from McD's. Oh I can taste the mayonnaise going to my hips now.
8. To top off my sandwich LG French fries from MC D's.
9. A strawberry breeze from dairy Queen.
10. Hot fudge sandwich from Goody's
11. An elephant ear, oh the warm crust and cinnamon always makes my day at the fair.
12. A kit kat, again an other favorite of mine from a kid
13. Milk Duds, problem with those suckers is I eat the whole box and don't even realize it, the melting chocolate and caramel...MMMM!

So what are your thirteen things for Thursday?

OMG!!!!

2008-12-11T09:04:00.000-08:00

I thought I was tired yesterday! Today I am exhausted. Jeff was up at least every 2 hrs last night, I have a newborn in the house..LOL. The meds kept giving him bad dreams, I think he woke up telling me the wiring on the doors were wrong twice. He got up and started taking his shoulder harness off like 3 times. I had to change his ice pressure machine, and get him eye meds in the middle of the night. I laughed at myself when I woke up and had noticed a 3 hr span had gone by and was thanking God for that...LOL. He is doing good still in a lot of pain but, well hopefully after we get more meds in him he will be fine. Last night while I was sleeping he watched tv, and I wanted to get up and sleep in the girls room but knew I couldn't leave him and am I glad I didn't. Today is going to be a long day but luckily mom is helping out, and taking the girls for another night for me. Having the boys here is easy Alex is a huge help. Jake stayed at Veny's for the day yesterday and she got him to nap so hopefully today I can snuggle him on the couch and get a few zzzz's myself. Well I better go Jeff needs his ice changed some more meds and prob. something else. Thanks for listening to me complain all!

TIRED......

2008-12-10T17:40:00.000-08:00

I am so tired, today has been so stressful. I didn't sleep well last night in anticipation of Jeff's shoulder surgery today. I woke up in a bad mood, and so did he. We fought all morning. Not really the way you want to go into surgery. I was being a stubborn and not very supportive wife. I even left him in the surgery waiting room, I just couldn't handle the silent treatment, and of course he didn't want to discuss any problems at the time. I was pissed, and wanted to hash it out. Well, really I think I was just pissed that I had no control over anything at that point. Igf you know me well you know me not having control is hard for me. The thought of anything happening to him made me cry and I asked the nurse if I could go back in the prep area again. I went back hugged him and said "I love you, I really don't want you going into surgery like this." So all was good we held hands we laughed I think i made him more at ease like I should have from the beginning. Surgery was at 10:30 he didn't go in until 12 and we left and were home around 2:30. It was a long day from 9-2:30 at the hospital, and after with him all druggy he apologized and said "I love you, you are so good to me. I am so sorry for my selfish asshole ways." I said "Honey we don't need to talk about it now." Yes, I do, I love you and want you to know that." All he wants to do is lay and snuggle with me. He really is the love of my life and I am so grateful for all he does for me and the kids. I am very lucky to have him even with his selfish assholeish ways...LOL
Thank you all for the calls, and emails, and prayers I feel so good I know I can count on you all.

Generous Giveaway

2008-12-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

http://debateurdebates.blogspot.com/ is giving away 2 gift cards to Amazon for 25.00 each. her

Random Acts Christmas Contest Go over there and sign up for a chance to win! The contest will run from Saturday December 6th to Saturday December 13th at 8:00 AM PST. So go over and make your 4 entries good luck everyone!

AWESOME GIVEAWAY!!!

2008-12-05T15:30:00.000-08:00

Ok so my awesome friend TONI @
Is giving away a very cool Flat iron. Please go to her site and try and win this gals what a great gift for your self for Christmas!
Hana Elite 1.5" flat iron from Misikko

My poor girl...

2008-12-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

Riley was hurt yesterday at school. The morning started with Riley coughing and not feeling very well. I am all for kids staying home if they are sick. Well about 30 min. after her brother and sister left she was running around and playing so I decided "To school you go!" I drove Riley to school, and went on my merry way to my organizers meeting. "Ring Ring" on the other end is the principal of the kids school. "Hi Moriah, Riley was in an accident at school today, she is going to need stitches." My heart just sank I think hearing that your children are hurt almost hurts us as parents more then them. I rush out of kiddoz, and drive to Riley's school. To find her and her sister sitting on the nurses bed. The nurse removes the bloody bandage and underneath is this huge gash on her forehead. On the other bed is poor Hunter with an eye patch over his eye. I guess Riley and Hunter were both running about 2 min into their morning recess, and Bamm they just ran head face into one another. I guess all the blood drained out of my body and I was white because the secretary offered to drive us to the doctors about 5 times...LOL. Well, Riley was a very brave little girl they put some blue numbing stuff on it for about 20 min, and then put a few needle shots in the cut before stitching it up. She didn't move her head at all. All you could see was one lonely tear falling from her eyes. She is feeling much better today a headache but much better. We took our first shower to clean the blood out of her hair, and we removed the bandage and she saw her 7 stitches. I think it scared her a bit because she wanted that bandage put back on right away. I couldn't even convince her to take a picture for memories. What an ordeal the scary part of being a mom is getting that phone call from someone saying your child has been hurt.

It's been a while...

2008-12-03T09:34:00.002-08:00

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was fun and it was ummm interesting. I drank a little too much the night of Thanksgiving, oh that is a long story. Unfortunately half of Jeff's family knows about that one. I had a great time reconnecting with Jeff's family we went and saw Twilight Wednesday night, and much to my dismay I really disliked it. I know I have a ton of friends who are absolutely in love with the books, and the movie. I just couldn't get into it. There were parts I actually laughed at, it was just corny to me. Which really surprises me because I like some pretty lame teeny bopper type stuff. I have even tried to start reading the book 3 times, and just can't get into it. Oh well, I guess to each their own right?

After having a horrible hangover on Friday I slept all day, and woke up sick. I have a cold UGH! So for the last few days i stayed mostly in bed or asleep on the couch. I am lucky to have a hubby who understood I needed my sleep. Monday I got back into working out again, and maybe it was all the puking on Thursday night but, I lost weight over the Holiday...LOL. I am hoping to be down at least another 10 lbs by Christmas, and I think I can do it. My energy level is so much higher now, and man it feels good to be healthy. I tried to eat a piece of cake the other day and I could only eat half, it was great I got my fill of it but, didn't go over board.

Jeff goes into surgery next week. Not really thrilled about the whole thing. I mean at this time can we really afford him being off of work NO! For those who were around for his last shoulder surgery you know how much fun it was for me. The poor guy just got to sleep all the time while I was waking up every 2 hrs to change the ice in his shoulder pressure machine. Waiting on him hand and foot, not that he wouldn't for me if the tables were turned...but. I am just not looking forward to it. So look for many nights or days of complaining from me for the next 8 weeks...LOL

The kids are so excited for Christmas and have been begging to put up our tree. We live in the land of trees and yes , we have an artificial tree. We have for the last 6 yrs I believe. We started when the kids were young and we didn't want them inhaling pine needles now well, it is just convenient. Plus, I never have to water it, and it is pretty. I guess it won't be happening tonight because I am headed to a pamper chef party.
HAPPY TUESDAY TO YOU ALL!
Mo

DOWN 15 LBS!

2008-11-26T09:45:00.000-08:00

I am so excited I am down 15lbs! I was watching what I was eating and counting every calorie, and that was almost making me stall in my weight loss. I now just eat healthy and give myself a day where I can have a treat. If a day is bad I don't beat myself up over it. Honestly that has been the hardest part of it all for me. I know I have a lot more to go but, i feel great and know I can do it! Thanks for all the support you guys have been giving me. I want to thank Jeff too, he has been a great support through this all, and giving me the opportunity to get healthy again.

Christmas is coming YAY!

2008-11-25T19:27:00.000-08:00

Alright, I hope you're all ready for this. 12 Days of Christmas Giveaways begins on Saturday!

Alright ladies Amy is doing a huge giveaway 12 Days of Christmas please go to her blog and sign up for some great prizes.
http://amyclary.blogspot.com/2008/11/official-rules-for-12-days-of-christmas.html
I know I will be there daily to check the items out and her fun blog as well.
Thanks Toni, for letting me know about this check out Toni's site as well this lady totally rocks and her blog is so fun! http://www.juststopscreaming.com/

MY HEALTH TIPS FOR THE DAY!

2008-11-24T10:43:00.001-08:00

One or two meals a week, substitute beans or legumes instead of meat in salads, soups, or in the main dish.

Chill soups, gravies, and stews in the refrigerator, then skim the fat off the top.

Include more fiber to feel full. Eat more lentils, dry beans, peas, vegetables, fruits, brown rice, and whole grains.

For a great low-fat, low-sugar snack, try no-butter, low-salt popcorn. Two cups only has 60 calories!

Removing the skin from chicken saves you 5 grams of fat every time.

When baking, use applesauce instead of butter to save 90 calories.

Cut back on foods with hidden sugar like ketchup, white bread, canned fruit, and salad dressing.

Grate your cheese rather than slicing - you will use less cheese and save fat grams.

My Weekend Run down

2008-11-23T20:42:00.000-08:00

Well, Thursday Jeff's dad and step mom came into town. We had a wonderful time visiting with them. I truly wish they would move here. Pam my MIL is just so much like me I just love having her around. The kids miss them so much when they leave it would be so nice to have them near. We stayed up until I think 3:30 in the morning talking all 4 of us, it was fun and we just couldn't keep our eyes open any longer or I swear we would have stayed awake later.

Friday Morning I woke up with a horrible migraine, the light the noise it was killing me. I even felt like I was going to puke it was so bad. Jeff was great he let me sleep all day long and kept coming up stairs to check up on me. Also for once I woke up from being sick and the house was not a disaster it was fabulous! So really my Friday was a huge waste just sleeping I couldn't even watch shows it hurt that much.

Saturday was a nice relaxing day again I still had a headache not as bad luckily. The kids did art projects where they made a huge mess and got paint absolutely everywhere. They had fun, and I was able to rest some so I guess I can't complain. When Riley and Alex arrived home from their playdate and going to the movies we had a nice dinner, and then our new tradition FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT. It's so nice it is a time where we are all home and enjoying time together. The kids look forward to it, they even cancel plans with friends to hang with us. I know that is not going to last long so I am taking advantage of it for as long as I can.

Today Sunday was nice and just another home day. I was able to make Christmas presents, and nope I can't tell you what because too many relatives read this...LOL. This evening was fun all of us played the wii I got my butt kicked at bowling by Alex he got 2 sets of Turkey's, dang him..LOL I decided that I was going to make my Christmas music cd's tonight and so I did. It is so nice that the Holidays are just around the corner. I look so forward to seeing family this week, and having almost all the cousins together sorry Meri you can't be there. I am planning on putting up the tree the Sunday after Thanksgiving I am so excited! I love my tree and all it's beautiful colors, sitting by the fire with Jeff with the tree lights on just holding each other. Well, I am stinky so I need to go take my shower LOVE YOU ALL!

Feeling a little sad.

2008-11-19T21:26:00.002-08:00

I'm feeling a little sad tonight. I am just realizing how fast my kids are growing up. Alex has always been my snuggler I mean he is 10 almost 11 now and he is always giving me hugs and kisses and telling me how much he loves me. Well, that is all changing the other day on Saturday we were walking downtown he was holding my hand, we turn the corner and a few boys come around the corner and out he pulled his hand from mine. Tonight when he was headed to bed he gave me a "Goodnight I love you." followed by a little brush of the shoulder. I mean of course I knew this day would come but, does it really have to?

I miss the children running through the door after school running to find me to give me huge hugs and tell me "Mommy I missed you so much." Now I get kids backpacks and coats thrown all over the hall floor and the first thing out of their mouths is "Can I have a snack?" Getting information about their day is like pulling teeth sometimes. Next year Jake will be in school and I will be home alone. I am not sure what I am going to do with my time. I hope I can go into their classrooms and be the "real" SAHM. I dreamed all my life of being a huge part of their class life and now I will have my chance. I do have to admit I am scared, it is just around the corner that I will be alone in the house my identity will be changing. How can I call myself a SAHM (oh for those who don't know = Stay at home mom). I mean I won't have children at home during the day what does that make me? Should I get a job? Should I go back to school? Should I just live for myself for once? So many questions and such a short time to come up with an answer.
I know in the end it will all be ok but, for now with my baby turning 5 in Jan and my oldest turning 11 in Dec it all seems to be coming so fast.

There are always two sides to every story

2008-11-18T13:40:00.000-08:00

So my SIL or one of them a very smart lady...LOL . Reminded me today that when people talk about fights or someone pissing them off always remember there are always two sides to the story. So a little bit ago Jeff and I got in a huge fight. I won't go into details but , he decided that instead of telling both our sides of the story to his family that he would just bash me. I am totally at fault for all that I did in the fight and I should have never asked him to move out but, at the same time shouldn't I be asked what he might have done to deserve such harsh actions? I mean I know I can be a bitch oh do I know, and I have my many faults but I am not so mean that I would kick my husband the father of my children out of my house with out good reason. All is good now we are working our problems out but I just want to remind everyone that THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY, so don't judge the one you don't know so fast.

My reason for living

2008-11-17T02:41:00.000-08:00

These are the 4 fabulous kiddos and the reason why I wake up every morning wanting to be a better person. All of my kids give me the strength to go on with life no matter what God throws at me. I know with all of them in my world it is a much better place. I am so grateful that I was blessed with 4 such amazing and different children, and I am so happy I can share them with you all.

Frustrating changing my life.

2008-11-15T22:10:00.001-08:00

I'm really pissed right now! I have been changing my eating habits and exercising on my wii fit for 3 weeks now, and I have lost 10 lbs. Yes that is great but, at the same time I for some reason can't get enough calories in my diet. I am ranging from 1000- 1150. I don't want to add fat in and when I add the calories the fat comes with it. I am eating 5 meals a day and still not enough calories. So for the last 3 days my weight is going up and down. I am just so frustrated, any suggestions anyone out there?

UGH ARE YOU SERIOUS!

2008-11-14T14:29:00.000-08:00

Why do people fall for the "get it for free" ads? I mean come on people you have to pay shipping, and if you don't cancel the subscription to the item they charge ya an arm and a leg. My DumbA$$ husband seems to fall for these things all the time. Just last night I found yet another thing he bought, some stupid pomclear pills that help you lose weight (ya, right!). I asked him specifically "did you cancel this?" his response "Oh yeah I took care of it." So I go to look to see how much money we have for me to go grocery shopping , you know the thing we really need in our life's lo and behold $44.90 for POMCLEAR! is subtracted from my acct. Are you f'ing kidding me? I am just irate. Normally hey 44.90 may not be a big deal but when all I had in my acct was 61.19, it's a huge deal! Now because someone (J) was an idiot I have to go borrow money from my mother just great what a lovely beginning of my weekend. Sorry he's on my bad list today it just seems like one thing after another today.