Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Feeling a little sad.

I'm feeling a little sad tonight. I am just realizing how fast my kids are growing up. Alex has always been my snuggler I mean he is 10 almost 11 now and he is always giving me hugs and kisses and telling me how much he loves me. Well, that is all changing the other day on Saturday we were walking downtown he was holding my hand, we turn the corner and a few boys come around the corner and out he pulled his hand from mine. Tonight when he was headed to bed he gave me a "Goodnight I love you." followed by a little brush of the shoulder. I mean of course I knew this day would come but, does it really have to?

I miss the children running through the door after school running to find me to give me huge hugs and tell me "Mommy I missed you so much." Now I get kids backpacks and coats thrown all over the hall floor and the first thing out of their mouths is "Can I have a snack?" Getting information about their day is like pulling teeth sometimes. Next year Jake will be in school and I will be home alone. I am not sure what I am going to do with my time. I hope I can go into their classrooms and be the "real" SAHM. I dreamed all my life of being a huge part of their class life and now I will have my chance. I do have to admit I am scared, it is just around the corner that I will be alone in the house my identity will be changing. How can I call myself a SAHM (oh for those who don't know = Stay at home mom). I mean I won't have children at home during the day what does that make me? Should I get a job? Should I go back to school? Should I just live for myself for once? So many questions and such a short time to come up with an answer.
I know in the end it will all be ok but, for now with my baby turning 5 in Jan and my oldest turning 11 in Dec it all seems to be coming so fast.

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