Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I want to change but how???

So I have this problem and honestly I don't know how to change. Maybe some of you if you read this can give me some insight. I am a bitch yes, you heard that right. I treat my husband really bad, and I don't want to. I treat him like a kid, and some may laugh and make the joke he is my 5Th child but...Well, I want a husband not a 5Th child. I have this horrible need to be right, at any cost. I mean I sometimes don't even really listen to what I say, I just need to be right even if I am wrong. If my dh doesn't agree with me, I make him out to be the bad guy, I don't really know why. He gives me so much room to do what i want and to be with my friends or my mom whenever I want to. If he wants to go somewhere or go out for some reason i give him the third degree like he has to have a really good reason to want to be away. I know see I am a bitch. I really hate this about myself. I used to be so sweet, and i don't say that to brag I just know I was. I felt so much love all the time, and happy most of the time. Now I just feel anger and hurt if he doesn't want to spend all his extra time with me. My SIL gave me some great advice and yet I am not sure I can look at it the way she does. She says ask yourself do you wanna be happy or do you wanna be right? Do I wanna be right to the point of chancing losing my love?

I love my husband and honestly losing him would kill me. I just for myself want to change. I am not happy being this mean person. At the same time how do I fight the urge to be right? Really how do I fight it? I am stubborn no doubt but why oh why do I have this burning need to be right, or win the fight every time? I'm sure that makes me sound crazy but, it is the controller in me I want to let go of I TRULY DO!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Girls Night Out!

Oh it was so much fun one of my close friends had a Pure Romance Party last night and wow, we had a blast. We drank Martini's and CareJewels (a drink my friends made up) I had so much fun. It was so great to be out, and hang with friends that I have not been with in forever and just feel like me. I was not a mom even if we did mention our kids a few times, I was not a wife well yes, I was since I was buying things to spice up our love life. I was just "Moriah" , it felt good I had women who I had just met tell me how nice I was and how I was so fun to hang with. That made me so happy. I love my girlfriends and sometimes life just gets away and I don't get out as much as I should. I am so very lucky to have an amazing group of women in my life, and that I know are truly my friends and will be for many years to come. I am lucky to have a husband who sees what an important role my friends play in my life, and he gives me so many opportunities to be with them and for that I am such a truly blessed gal. I have some pics that I will be posting up this week from the party, I just want to get some permission from the ladies first. Have a great Sunday all you!

Down 24.5 LBS!!!

Yes, I am down 24.5 lbs. I am so beyond excited, this has been a hard 24 lbs. I am so proud of myself and of my determination. I usually go on diets and lose weight that is not a problem honestly it's sticking to something and well even with stopping and starting again about 3 times since Nov 1st. I now feel and know just because I don't do good every day or eat the right foods or work out, tomorrow is a new day. It's awesome I can really see myself doing this for the rest of my life YAY!!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Why can't people just be happy with what they have?

Why is it in our society these days is no one happy with what they have? I mean why was it years and years ago people were just happy with having food on the table, and a roof over their heads? Now we all want the best and newest techno thing out there. I mean my family is a great example for that. We can't afford it but my husband insists on us having the new game systems out there. I mean we have everyone out there. Like somehow the newer one is going to bring much more joy to our life's then the last. I do admit for a short time it does bring us joy, but that time is short lived. If we could afford it I know he would want a boat, and trips everywhere and anything else that money could buy like that can give us joy. I guess I kind of don't feel like I live in that same frame of mind. I am grateful that I have food on the table the kids are clothed, and they get to do extra activities. I would rather have family vacations, time spent wisely and with lots of love, and lots of joy then ITEMS!
My kids ask me a lot why we don't go places or do things like a lot of their friends. The kids go to a school that well lets just say it the families are all very well off. My response to them is we have a dad that works very hard for what we have and if we wanted he could be gone as much as most of their friends dads are and go places and have THINGS. I say "isn't it nicer to have a daddy who provides just enough for us, and can also be home when we need him?" I really try to instill in my kids to be successful in life does not mean that you have to make a ton of money. That you can work hard for your money but also have time to raise a family or be in a family.
Maybe this really doesn't make any sense but, I just get annoyed by the world deciding that you aren't successful if you can't afford all the things that people see as SUCCESS.


My friend Toni @ A Daily Dose of Toni Started this last week and I like it it is talking about my annoyances but then turning it into a positive as well. So here goes.

1. I am annoyed that my husband won't listen to what I am really saying and gets all defensive and shuts off I am thankful however that I have a husband who tho he doesn't listen does love me.

2. I am annoyed that there are people out there who don't have to work out or watch what they eat and lose weight. I am thankful that my body does allow me to be able to work out and that I am losing weight no matter how slow going it is.

3. I am annoyed that my kids make my house a mess no matter what I say to them. I am thankful that I was able to have my children and that they do give me great joy as well.

4. I am annoyed that Jeff hurt his shoulder and has been home for the last 2 months. I am thankful that he had the surgery and is getting better and with god's grace still has a job to go back to.

5. I am annoyed that when I give people an inch they take a mile. I guess all I can say to be thankful for is that I do have people in my life who don't do that.

6. I am annoyed that sometimes I am just not enough for some. I am thankful for those people that I am just enough.

7. I am annoyed that I let my life get so out of hand, and gain so much weight and lose who I was. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to change those things within my life and myself that I do not like.

Just a little Alex brag!

I am proud to say Alex is in Math and Reading TAG programs. Now for those who don't know that is (Talented and Gifted). HE actually exceeds the other students in his reading program and his teacher has decided that he can make up his own group if he likes. Now I don't know where he gets it all. I was not a great student, not like I flunked out or anything but never above grade level in anything. It makes me so happy to know that school is not a struggle for him. I know God really did grant him with these gifts to make up for having to be away form school so much. I am so happy ot announce since Alex's last surgery with his cecostomy he is healthy growing and a thriving guy. I wish we had known about the cecostomy surgery many many years ago, but I guess living with the what if's is not going to help anyone. So I am just grateful we did find the solution to his problems and I am so lucky to have such a smart and thriving 11 yr old.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


I went shoe shopping today I need something I can wear just everyday. I wear flip flops all the time, and I am not sure but my foot must be totally deformed or something. I tried on boots, flats, high heels knock around shoes none of them fit, and no I was not just one size. I could fit my foot in 7's and 8's what the heck!!! I must have tried on at least 70 pairs and went to 3 different stores. I even tried on ugly shoes that i wouldn't normally buy to see if they would fit NOPE! They were either to tight in front and no WIDES are too wide for me. they would fit perfect but would be too big in the back. They would hurt in the back or pinch my foot on the top. Ugh you name it, and that was wrong with them. I love shoes, and used to own like over 70 pairs. After having kids I got lazy or poor I guess, and decided flip flops were my shoe of choice unless there was snow on the ground. So has wearing flip flops for years screwed my feet up? Has losing weight made my feet get deformed? OK seriously trying to keep myself from swearing in the store or crying. I just want two pairs of shoes that i can wear a cute pair to go out with friends or a nice dinner or dancing, and ones I can just throw on and are super comfy. Really is that so much to ask???

Friday, January 9, 2009


So I am very blessed with amazing friends and they unexpectedly do things for me all the time to just show me they care about me. One of my closest friends Liz has been a very supportive friend to me and cares about me and my family so very much. She has helped me get a membership at a local gym here in town. She paid for my enrollment since Jeff isn't working how awesome was that? Well, so I decided this year I am going to try and pay it forward weekly. I was cruising the local Craigslist and there was a woman who was asking for help with diapers for her kid. Now normally I think "ohh that is sad." and just move on but, this week I felt like you know there have been times in our past that we couldn't pay for diapers and I have been fortunate enough to have a mother who was able to take care of her grand kids and buy those type of things for us. I remember those days where you find you are on your last diaper and you have to drag the kid around in a droopy wet diaper to the store. Well, this girl didn't have that option. So I wrote her and told her I wanted to help out. She was so very appreciative, and said I was the only one who had written her, and she didn't know what she was going to do. So off I went to Walmart, we don't have much right now so I couldn't buy her a huge box from Costco but, I felt good being able to help this young mom out. When I arrived at her home she was probably not more then 18 the house reeked of smoke, and at that moment whether that girl could have or couldn't have afforded diapers I felt like what I did was right.

So on Friday's from now on I will be writing about something someone has done for me, and writing about something I did for someone. It won't always be a monetary thing, but I hope it gets all of you guys thinking about the great people in your life's and maybe how can you PAY IT FORWARD too.
Have a fabulous Friday everyone I love you all so much!

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Okay so this came up recently in my life, and I thought well I should adress this. How far do married men/women step over the boundaries with opposite sex friendships. Do you think it is ok to keep in touch through email, facebook, myspace with them? How much is too much or just enough? Is it ok for them to be close if they are long time friends and have never had a love/sexual relationship? Is it ok for them to send little joking flirty messages to each other if they have been in a close relationship together? Should they send letters, things in the mail to one another?
Here is how I feel on the subject. In my personal life I have been in love, I have thought I was going to marry that man. A while back probably more when Jeff and I were having problems I got back in contact with him. I thought maybe he really was the one that got away. Maybe Jeff and I weren't meant to be. I found him and we talked on the phone. I found out that he lived the life we had planned almost to a T but just with another woman. I felt jealous, I felt like what did I do? I should have never broken up with him, that would be me in the perfect marriage with the perfect guy. After talking to him on the phone, I found his wife on myspace and we actually became friends. I have met her in the past she was the girl he dated right after me. I wanted to dislike her so much but, I just couldn't. As her and I became friends and I told Jeff about them I felt wrong. I felt like me contacting him, me wanting to have some kind of friendship with him was wrong. Like was I giving my marriage all that I could if I was longing for a "perfect man?" A man who wasn't really even available. I had felt like even that small flitting moment of wanting another man was betraying my vows, betraying my marriage. My husband has had contact with a gal he thought he was going to marry, and that he loved, and in my opinion their interactions have been inapporpriate. Flirting and joking now for you to all understand when I say flirting in Jeff's way of joking with women is sometime his way of flirting. So when I have in the past read things he has written I have felt uncomfortable. I have many times asked him not to have contact or a relationship with this individual and he has stopped at times, but come back to her time and time again. I don't read his emails, and so I don't know what they say to one another now but that is one relationship I feel threatened by. I truly believe my husband would never cheat on me but, at the same time should he be giving his emotions to someone else? So I got into this discussion because I talked to a friend this week, and her actions with an ex made me question tthose questions what is too far? What is safe, and what kind of relationships should we just let stay in the past.
Here are some responses I got from friends, when I posted this on Facebook.

Moriah asks how do you feel about your spouse being close to an ex? first love, someone they planned a future with, a serious relationship?????

"oh.. heck no! lol a long time ago first grade crush- ok, a fiance? nope!"

What? Uh uh!! No way, no how!

That is absolutlly not Ok. I wouldn't stand for it! (my Jeff)

Not safe for a marriage. Actually Focus on the Family covered this today in their broadcast. They had the author of Generation Next Marriage on there. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/ if you want to listen to it. :)

I freak out (inside) if my husband even mentions a certain ex...But I'm really bad at leaving my past in the past, so I can't really complain (at least I try)

I don't see anything wrong with being friendly and on good terms with an ex !ut being extremely close (especially an ex fiancee) is a little odd. Why invest so much time on someone who was your past and not on the person who is your present and future...

I don't know, I don't think I'd get too worked up about it. I mean, my husband married ME, right? As long as he isn't hanging out with her every weekend it really wouldn't be an issue for me.

No way! Not "close". Dr. Phil says it is not okay.

I think it's disrespectful.

Let it go. You have Half a Brady Bunch! He/We are not smart enuff to draw a necessary line. All us a moment. And that's all. ( the only guy other then Jeff to respond)

How do you feel about this??? Post a comment and let me know I am very curious. If you find this blog interesting let your friends know I would love to hear their opinions on this as well.
Have a great Thursday
Moriah :0)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

100 Things I May Have Done or Not Have Done

About me. Just bold whatever you've done on your blog and let me know so I can see.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (in general)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check -- Ooops!
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby- yep 4
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day


So this year Jeff and I decided we need to make a schedule and activities board.
To the left is the Calendar each person has their own color. To the right is the kids chores list. Below that is something good about one person per week at least, then a concern about something in the house, and then a suggestion spot. Under that as you can see Jakwe has decided is his learning area where he is doing his letters and numbers.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Moriah's look back on 2008

Well, my look back on 2008. The #1 thing that stood out to me was I found myself again. I found through therapy not a long time of it but, just enough that I had a lot of issues I needed to deal with. Jeff and I were seriously on the brink of divorce, and we were able to find that spark and love and a true understanding of one another. I thank God for us getting so close and so hurt, and so sad, and mad and everything else. Because with out it, I would have not found the love of my life back. I was able to be OK with leaving my kids on school nights, or on the weekend to have me time. I met amazing women online and in my real life moms group. I have been able to meet women I know I will be Friends with for the rest of my life. I guess that is more then 1...LOL

Well, let me post some pics to show you what else has been our highs and lows.

Kate was DOROTHY!!! Oh it was so cute, she really couldn't have been any sweeter. We were all so proud of her.

Kate played soccer for the first time and boy was she good at it!

I met one of the best women in the world MY ERAN!

Jeff threw me an amazing Surprise Birthday Party...with almost all my closest friends!

Alex played soccer, and was such a sport freezing his booty off in 30 and below degrees. He was awesome I was so proud.

Riley split her chin open..Not so fun. She was in running club turned the corner and smacked right into a metal stair rail.

Alex broke his finger picking up a rock bigger then his head. I told him not to but he didn't listen, fractured it in three places, and ripped the top skin right off.

Riley had pneumonia and in this pic a 103.6 fever I believe. We wondered for about 5-6 months what was wrong with her and finally they figured it out this day that she probably had walking pneumonia the whole time.

Jake went down the water slide for the first time all by himself. I was so proud!
Jake this year had a bad one as well with three bouts of pneumonia 2 that put him in the hospital and one we were able to treat at home. Also to add onto that he had bronchitis poor child we also found out he has asthma.

Well, I will end it with this year has had some major downs but also major ups and here we all are at Thanksgiving. I was so thankful I had all of my family with me. We were all healthy, happy, and I truly am one blessed lady!


Friday, January 2, 2009

Jeff wrote into the news and we were in it today


Keep scrolling down until you see a pic of the tree on the house, and Jeff Browning said...LOL

Thursday, January 1, 2009

An eventful January 1, 2009

It has been quite windy here today with wind gusts of up to 60 MPH. Well, Miss Kate decided it would be fun to go outside and play in it. Sure why not I thought, I hear her laughing and pounding out on the porch. I look out the window to check on her and she is falling over from the huge wind gusts. It was so cute I wish I had a picture of her laughing and playing so innocently in the wind. She was telling me over and over that the big Pine in our backyard was going to fall over. I was like "Kate no way, you are so silly that tree is huge it is swaying a lot but, it is not going to fall over on our house". Well, 20 minutes later we are sitting upstairs and we hear a huge crashing sound. Not sure what to expect when we look out the window but, to our huge surprise our Pine, that Kate was telling me that was going to fall over YES, it fell over. It split about 15ft up from the ground. It fell backwards through our fence across the path and over the neighbors and hit their roof, actually branches broke through the roof. A branch went through their master bedroom. Luckily there was no one at home and no one on the path and my dear daughter was not outside anymore. This 80+ ft tree could have really done some disastrous deathly damage. I even started crying thinking my little girl was outside playing in just those spots 20 minutes earlier. God was definitely watching over our family and our neighbors today. I will post pictures tomorrow or you can go to my facebook if you want I have the pics available to anyone and everyone not just friends. So I hope tomorrow and the rest of our 2009 is definitely less eventful then today. Happy New years to you all again!

Life has gotten away from me.

Sorry I haven't been writing in a long time. With Jeff being out of comission I decided or chose to take over his "man" duties...LOL. Not the smartest. We got Alex a new bed for Christmas which he absolutely loved. Stupid me I took the bunk bed apart w/ Jeff's help and carried the metal thing down stairs. I shoveled snow and icy slushy snow. The next day unfortunately I could barely get out bed to go the bathroom. It was horrible not to have too much info here but I even held it in for 3 hrs just so I wouldn't have to get out of bed. I have been laying around the house mostly in bed for 5 days now, I am about to rip my hair out. So not a ton of exciting stuff for me to even write about here so I will leave you all with that.
Happy New Years everyone!