Thursday, January 8, 2009


Okay so this came up recently in my life, and I thought well I should adress this. How far do married men/women step over the boundaries with opposite sex friendships. Do you think it is ok to keep in touch through email, facebook, myspace with them? How much is too much or just enough? Is it ok for them to be close if they are long time friends and have never had a love/sexual relationship? Is it ok for them to send little joking flirty messages to each other if they have been in a close relationship together? Should they send letters, things in the mail to one another?
Here is how I feel on the subject. In my personal life I have been in love, I have thought I was going to marry that man. A while back probably more when Jeff and I were having problems I got back in contact with him. I thought maybe he really was the one that got away. Maybe Jeff and I weren't meant to be. I found him and we talked on the phone. I found out that he lived the life we had planned almost to a T but just with another woman. I felt jealous, I felt like what did I do? I should have never broken up with him, that would be me in the perfect marriage with the perfect guy. After talking to him on the phone, I found his wife on myspace and we actually became friends. I have met her in the past she was the girl he dated right after me. I wanted to dislike her so much but, I just couldn't. As her and I became friends and I told Jeff about them I felt wrong. I felt like me contacting him, me wanting to have some kind of friendship with him was wrong. Like was I giving my marriage all that I could if I was longing for a "perfect man?" A man who wasn't really even available. I had felt like even that small flitting moment of wanting another man was betraying my vows, betraying my marriage. My husband has had contact with a gal he thought he was going to marry, and that he loved, and in my opinion their interactions have been inapporpriate. Flirting and joking now for you to all understand when I say flirting in Jeff's way of joking with women is sometime his way of flirting. So when I have in the past read things he has written I have felt uncomfortable. I have many times asked him not to have contact or a relationship with this individual and he has stopped at times, but come back to her time and time again. I don't read his emails, and so I don't know what they say to one another now but that is one relationship I feel threatened by. I truly believe my husband would never cheat on me but, at the same time should he be giving his emotions to someone else? So I got into this discussion because I talked to a friend this week, and her actions with an ex made me question tthose questions what is too far? What is safe, and what kind of relationships should we just let stay in the past.
Here are some responses I got from friends, when I posted this on Facebook.

Moriah asks how do you feel about your spouse being close to an ex? first love, someone they planned a future with, a serious relationship?????

"oh.. heck no! lol a long time ago first grade crush- ok, a fiance? nope!"

What? Uh uh!! No way, no how!

That is absolutlly not Ok. I wouldn't stand for it! (my Jeff)

Not safe for a marriage. Actually Focus on the Family covered this today in their broadcast. They had the author of Generation Next Marriage on there. if you want to listen to it. :)

I freak out (inside) if my husband even mentions a certain ex...But I'm really bad at leaving my past in the past, so I can't really complain (at least I try)

I don't see anything wrong with being friendly and on good terms with an ex !ut being extremely close (especially an ex fiancee) is a little odd. Why invest so much time on someone who was your past and not on the person who is your present and future...

I don't know, I don't think I'd get too worked up about it. I mean, my husband married ME, right? As long as he isn't hanging out with her every weekend it really wouldn't be an issue for me.

No way! Not "close". Dr. Phil says it is not okay.

I think it's disrespectful.

Let it go. You have Half a Brady Bunch! He/We are not smart enuff to draw a necessary line. All us a moment. And that's all. ( the only guy other then Jeff to respond)

How do you feel about this??? Post a comment and let me know I am very curious. If you find this blog interesting let your friends know I would love to hear their opinions on this as well.
Have a great Thursday
Moriah :0)


Minxy Mimi said...

Well, I think if there are not children involved, then there is no need to be e-mailing, messaging, mailing stuff to each other. If Bradd was very involved with someone before me and chose to do these things, I would not be pleased. Even though I believe 100% in there being men/women friendships that can and have stayed platonic, the chances of this, IMHO are low if there was an emotional and physical involvment before. I would have an issue with it for sure.

Toni said...

Okay one of my 2 best friends outside of my husband is a male, we have been best friends since 9th grade. However we only dated for 1 hour LOL and were never "serious" I love him and always will as my best friends and vice versa. So that I think is okay. NOw if I were to go and try to be friends with my ex husband that would be a completely different story.

Like mimi said when there has been an emotional attachment to the level of marriage, engagement or in love with that is something that even though you are happy with the one you are with it still could bring up old feeling that should not be messed with and cause disaster. Emotional ties are very hard to break in fact it's very rare that they ever get fully broken so when you have been involved with someone in a way that creates a strong emotional attachment I think that could be dangerous to a current relationship if you try to carry on a close friendship with your past relationship person.

did that make any sense LOL

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Our neck of the woods said...

I mentioned this question to Phil and we both are in agreement on flirting and entertaining the idea of a relationship with someone else.
I speak only for myself on this topic.
Phil and I both have previous committed relationships before we became serious.
I had just moved out of my old apartment after living with my boyfriend for close to 4 years. Phil had an off and on thing with the mother of his child for 6 years. During our marriage Phil worked at a strip club surrounded by beautiful naked women who get paid to "flirt". Confidence has been a major component in my relationship with Phil. So that being said things would have to go way beyond flirting, facebooking whatever, before I would feel threatened.