Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I want to change but how???

So I have this problem and honestly I don't know how to change. Maybe some of you if you read this can give me some insight. I am a bitch yes, you heard that right. I treat my husband really bad, and I don't want to. I treat him like a kid, and some may laugh and make the joke he is my 5Th child but...Well, I want a husband not a 5Th child. I have this horrible need to be right, at any cost. I mean I sometimes don't even really listen to what I say, I just need to be right even if I am wrong. If my dh doesn't agree with me, I make him out to be the bad guy, I don't really know why. He gives me so much room to do what i want and to be with my friends or my mom whenever I want to. If he wants to go somewhere or go out for some reason i give him the third degree like he has to have a really good reason to want to be away. I know see I am a bitch. I really hate this about myself. I used to be so sweet, and i don't say that to brag I just know I was. I felt so much love all the time, and happy most of the time. Now I just feel anger and hurt if he doesn't want to spend all his extra time with me. My SIL gave me some great advice and yet I am not sure I can look at it the way she does. She says ask yourself do you wanna be happy or do you wanna be right? Do I wanna be right to the point of chancing losing my love?

I love my husband and honestly losing him would kill me. I just for myself want to change. I am not happy being this mean person. At the same time how do I fight the urge to be right? Really how do I fight it? I am stubborn no doubt but why oh why do I have this burning need to be right, or win the fight every time? I'm sure that makes me sound crazy but, it is the controller in me I want to let go of I TRULY DO!


Anonymous said...

I don't know how to help you because I'm kind of the same way. I know I treat my husband like a child a lot. And everybody likes to be right! I know what you mean too, about you used to be so nice and then after you've been married a certain amount of time, you start being bitchy & bossy... They even do it in sitcoms! Have you watched the King of Queens? Everybody Loves Raymond? In the beginning the wives are all nice and by the end they're controlling bitches! Wish I had some advice for ya, but I really don't. I'd rather be the kinda bossy wife, than the wife who worships her husband and does whatever he says! (could NEVER happen!)

Minxy Mimi said...

I am a bit of a bitch at times, or I ride roughshod over my hubby... I think SIL is right, you NEED to step back and realize that you cant always be right, and it isnt a weakness to say "I am sorry" or "I know I am being bitchy, please forgive me" I think just like with your diet, you have to work at this, you have to soul search and find out why you always need to be right, are you insecure? Can you talk to a professional and maybe explore that a little?

HeatherL said...

Hmmm. I don't know you well enough to say, but you're either being too hard on yourself, or what you've said about yourself is true and you've noticied somethign about yourself you don't like. It really could hurt your marriage and damage the image your children have of their father. If it were me, I'd sit down by myself someplace private (just for a minute) and pray. I'd tell the Lord what you just wrote in your blog. Admit it to Him since He knows it already. You have not been respectful of your husband (which we've all been there) and tell Him (the Lord) that you don't want to be that way anymore. Ask Him to change you from the inside and to replace that hostitility with love, patience, and kindness. If you are sincere in your prayers, they will be answered. It would be pleasing to the Lord, it will make you feel a TON better and maybe save your marriage. It's worth a shot!

Melissa said...

I don't know you at all, so am probably way out of line commenting.

But perhaps you need to take it in baby steps. And first thing might be acknowledging this problem to your husband. Admit to him you've noticed yourself doing it, and apologize, tell him this is not how you want to treat him.

Then, take a day at a time. Make a concious effort, every day, to try harder.

Replace the negative words with loving, positive ones. Tell him, regularly things that you love about him. Write him small (no need to delve into year 9 poetry) notes telling him you love him. Make an effort to spend time with him, sans children.

It is amazing how the dynamic can change when you do these small things, leaving room for you to work on the bigger issues.

Just a couple of ideas from a new reader. Hope you don't mind.

Nightowl Mama said...

OH my I could of written your post. I guess sometimes we all get a little nasty to the one who love the most. The important thing here is that you realize that your doing it. Now you can take the necessary steps to make it better. Good luck.
Sometimes I find my self doing the same thing and then I try to validate the points that my husband has that are good and make sure that he knows that I know he can come up with good ones every now and then.